I saw the social-media post of a friend whom I whole-heartedly feel respectful towards. It read, ‘Keep me fiercely kind, dear Lord’. While there can be a lot of talk around the subject of kindness, practising it genuinely and consistently requires courage. Also, it is the need of the hour, yet uncommon.
I remember I once got into a mild strife with an authority person. As we were interacting slightly heatedly, I could see her becoming visibly uncomfortable, her expressions showed distress and she was telling me to look at the situation from her point of view. I immediately felt sympathetic and concerned about her – despite our differences, but didn’t quite know how to communicate the same to her. Later as I was narrating the circumstances and my exchange with her to a loved one, I was guided that a light touch on her arm/ elbow along with a statement, ‘I don’t mean to upset you and I understand your situation’ might have sufficed. I had felt kindness but the method of conveying the same came to me later; and, this taught me to be kind more intentionally and resolutely – across varied circumstances.
Also, I once read a deeply moving quote – Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. Read the quote again, “Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy”. Someone could be fighting a type of depression called ‘smiling depression’ where they appear absolutely happy but facing sadness and despair on the inside. Someone could be having a hidden disability but coping strongly. A person might be going through troublesome home life but unable to discuss it publicly… Stay kind always, for everyone we know is fighting silent battles.
I was having a conversation once where it got highlighted that we need to judge less and accept more, that that would also be a form of kindness. We all make mistakes, and when these mistakes come to forefront it’s a challenge to stay kind. However as is famously said, “Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you”. Profound words that need to be deeply remembered and implemented.
Also, sometimes we unknowingly hurt people, so should be careful with words, and even more so with humour. It’s also always worthwhile to apologize if a transgression is made and realized. Plus, learn to forgive, too, sometimes even when an apology is not extended. Additionally, keeping difficult conversations pending is injustice, both to oneself and the others. So, these are not to be avoided, voicing one’s concerns isn’t unkind – harbouring grudges and letting issues accumulate is!
As is often quoted, charity begins at home – so practice kindness at home. Plus, it’s at least equally, if not more, beautiful, when kindness is extended to one’s own self. Much of the voice we hear every day is our own, ensure acceptance and forgiveness in that voice, often called self-talk.
It’s also worth mentioning that every soul that we come across is on a journey – some would be ahead of us and some catching up… stay kind to all. At times assertiveness is highly called for, when your needs and boundaries have to be explicitly and confidently communicated. But, usually the underrated virtue of kindness goes a long way in ensuring peace, respect, justice and cordial relationships. All in all, whatever the place/ time, I think it is immensely beautiful to be kind, to endeavour to understand instead of judging and to be compassionate cum empathetic – in spite of any negativity (if present).
[The above article is authored by Dr. Reema Bansal, assistant professor of Psychology at Rajiv Gandhi Govt. College, Saha (Ambala)]